Jaxen

Jaxen Caroll:

You're six today. And for some reason, it's hit me harder than I ever expected. Something about the sound of saying "My son is six" just sounds so much more grown up than saying "My son is five". Maybe it's the two hands thing-- your age can no longer be demonstrated by holding up only one hand.

It seems like just yesterday that I was being rushed into the OR for an emergency c-section. You were such a rambunctious lil' booger in the womb that you wrapped the umbilical cord around your neck... not once, but twice. Your oxygen levels were sinking very rapidly, and within ten minutes of the nurses noticing the drop in levels, you were being delivered via c-section. Your dad had left the room for something or other (more Mountain Dew probably:)). Your Nana had gone to pick up Aunt Kristy, and G-Daddy, Mimi and Aunt Sarah were still on their way to town from Elk City. I was all alone when I found out that you were going to be delivered so quickly, but luckily, Daddy made it back to the room in time. Nana & Aunt Kristy rushed back and G-Daddy set new speed records to make it to the hospital by the time we were wheeled out of the OR.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I felt the first time I saw you. Obviously, I realized that I was about to give birth and have a child to raise in this world. It's hard to explain though, that I didn't TRULY understand that until I saw you. The rush of emotion and disbelief that I had been entrusted with the life of a child to nurture, guide and care for was beyond anything I had ever felt before. You were beautiful. A perfect eight pound, one ounce bundle of joy, with your daddy's eyes and deep dimples.

You are such a joy to me, J-Bo. You have always made me laugh with your quick wit and huge imagination. You take such good care of me, and never hesitate to tell me how much you love me. You are a wonderful, caring big brother. And although I come from a family of girls (and had no idea what to think when I heard we were having a boy, LOL), you have shown me the true joy of having a "mama's boy". The bond between a mother and son, between you and I, is something that can't be defined, can't be diminished, and can't be broken.

You will forever be my baby boy. I love you with all that I have, all that I am, and all that I could ever hope to be. As your Auntie Heather so eloquently put it, having you made me a better version of myself. And as I watch you play Playstation right now, and jump around singing, "Who let the dogs out? Woof Woof!", I can't help but think "Yes, this is who I was meant to be"... Your mom.