Friday, March 27, 2009


Jaxen Caroll:

You're six today. And for some reason, it's hit me harder than I ever expected. Something about the sound of saying "My son is six" just sounds so much more grown up than saying "My son is five". Maybe it's the two hands thing-- your age can no longer be demonstrated by holding up only one hand.

It seems like just yesterday that I was being rushed into the OR for an emergency c-section. You were such a rambunctious lil' booger in the womb that you wrapped the umbilical cord around your neck... not once, but twice. Your oxygen levels were sinking very rapidly, and within ten minutes of the nurses noticing the drop in levels, you were being delivered via c-section. Your dad had left the room for something or other (more Mountain Dew probably:)). Your Nana had gone to pick up Aunt Kristy, and G-Daddy, Mimi and Aunt Sarah were still on their way to town from Elk City. I was all alone when I found out that you were going to be delivered so quickly, but luckily, Daddy made it back to the room in time. Nana & Aunt Kristy rushed back and G-Daddy set new speed records to make it to the hospital by the time we were wheeled out of the OR.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I felt the first time I saw you. Obviously, I realized that I was about to give birth and have a child to raise in this world. It's hard to explain though, that I didn't TRULY understand that until I saw you. The rush of emotion and disbelief that I had been entrusted with the life of a child to nurture, guide and care for was beyond anything I had ever felt before. You were beautiful. A perfect eight pound, one ounce bundle of joy, with your daddy's eyes and deep dimples.

You are such a joy to me, J-Bo. You have always made me laugh with your quick wit and huge imagination. You take such good care of me, and never hesitate to tell me how much you love me. You are a wonderful, caring big brother. And although I come from a family of girls (and had no idea what to think when I heard we were having a boy, LOL), you have shown me the true joy of having a "mama's boy". The bond between a mother and son, between you and I, is something that can't be defined, can't be diminished, and can't be broken.

You will forever be my baby boy. I love you with all that I have, all that I am, and all that I could ever hope to be. As your Auntie Heather so eloquently put it, having you made me a better version of myself. And as I watch you play Playstation right now, and jump around singing, "Who let the dogs out? Woof Woof!", I can't help but think "Yes, this is who I was meant to be"... Your mom.


So Much More Than A Mom said...

Great pic and lovely post. They grow up way too fast. Happy Birthday Jaxen!

Kat said...

What a sweet letter. Happy Birthday Jaxen. You are certainly growing up to be a sweet young man.

Peggy said...

Awww Jess...that was so adorable! I feel the same way about my "little" boy who's now eleven! Two hands may be a tough pill to swallow but I promise you, with sweet little boys like ours, it gets better and better every year!

ps - I'll probably look back on this comments at about oh, noonish when my "sweet baby boy" has done something to p. me o. and come back and add an addendum! :)

Happy Birthday Jaxen!!

Jessica said...

Awww.. thanks ladies. I appreciate your visiting my blog on a regular basis. How in the world do people get 300plus followers?? I don't get it, LOL!

And Peggy- I look forward to your return around noon:)

Mommy of Three said...

ahh i am all teary. 6 years have gone by way to fast!

Jessica said...

YEAH! Kristy got a picture up:) now you need to blog:)

HeatherPride said...

So sweet! Happy birthday, Jaxen!

chelle said...

awww sos weet, my eyes are all misty! 6 is huge! wow! What a sweetie!

Many birthday wishes to your boy!

Jessican said...

awwww....this was so sweet! Happy Birthday, Jaxen!

I love reading stuff like this. It sort of brings me back down to earth and reminds me of my family.