Holy shit!
Ok--now that that is out, I can continue. After almost 7 years together, two children, and a mortgage, Darrell (aka Jr.) and I are getting married 8.8.08. The planning is almost complete, I have just a few last things to buy. Tuxedos have been rented, honeymoon arrangements are made, and my dress is almost complete. (Shout out to my girl Heather!!) The kids have been working on their parts in the wedding, complete with little fun surprises for the ceremony itself. Hair appointments are nail appointments are set, new shoes have been properly scuffed on concrete (so that I don't fall on my ass!), and the photographer is ready to shoot.
That being said, I'm really surprised by how I'm FEELING as the big day approaches. So far I haven't been anxious or nervous. I didn't expect to really feel anxious since we've been together for so long anyway, and nerves aren't really an issue since I perform so much. Standing in front of a crowd will be easy as cake if I'm not singing:) But I have suddenly turned very emotional about the whole thing. A simple song, the thought of my son wearing his tuxedo tails, or my daughter's sheer excitement to wear her new shoes can all put me in tears.
I recently read an interesting book titled "Surrendering to Marriage" by Iris Krasnow, and I think that I may be able to blame my current emotional state on it. It's one thing to KNOW that you're getting married, but reading this book made me fully realize that I AM GETTING MARRIED. (Sorry for the all caps, but that's how it appears in my brain:)) There were a couple passages that really spoke to me that I wanted to share.
"Chuck loved me when I gained fifty-five pounds, pregnant with our twins; he loves the fiber of my being, not the packaging. I am who I really am with Chuck, all shades, from great to horrific, adoring to surly, the whole spectrum that comes with real-time living. When I ask him if he thinks we'll be married forever, he always says, 'Sure, why not?'. And I always respond: 'How do you know that?' And his answer is always the same: 'Because you are my wife'.
"We share neither blood nor genes, perhaps not even common interests. Yet we met and married and now share a home, in-laws, and children. It can be hell."
"It's all so selfish, really, being in love. The more deeply we love another depends on how deeply he or she makes us love ourselves."
I believe it has hit me. That this is forever. For better or worse. Sickness and health. And all that jazz.
Don't get me wrong. I have no doubts, no qualms, no desire to walk away. But I do know that I'm really glad I waited till I was thirty to get married. There's no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't have had the strength for this if I had gotten married at 24 when I got pregnant. It's going to be hard, a lot of work, and likely really painful at times. But I also know that it's going to be fulfilling, uplifting, and a whole lot of fun.
Wish us luck!!!
3 comments:
Great blog!
I like how she says, "he loves the fiber of my being, not the packaging."
I'm sure I've told you this before, but as your big day approaches, motherly wisdom seems so appropriate and you know I think my mother is the wisest person I know.
My whole life my mother has been very hoenst and open with me about the people we choose to love and how we choose to love them because loving someone IS a choice we make. Staying is love is also a choice we make. She also said, "Staying in love with your father is the hardest thing I've ever had to do." Choosing to love someone takes a daily committment to love them THAT day (in the present) for who they are at that moment. No dwelling on who they were when you met.....who they were last week. One of the greatest lessons I've ever learned about love was from her when she said, "The reasons I love your father today are not the reasons I fell in love with him all those years ago.....love has to evolve and change as you evolve and change."
I'm so excited for you!
ps...I got a little teary while reading this (I guess I'm getting emotional about it, too)
Hey Jess, (do people call you "Jess"? I have a niece, Jessica, and we call her "Jess". If not, I won't call you that anymore, I promise.)
Congratulations! Wow! This was such a nice, thoughtful post.
Sounds like you've already done some of the work marriage takes even before being married. Just being in a committed relationship takes work all the same. With or without the trimmings of a marriage.
It will be 14 years this year for my husband and me. He too has loved me in very unlovable times. It amazes me every day (when he's not pissing me off). ~hee hee!
The book you read and quoted sounds like good preparation for the journey. Loving anyone through pregnancy deserves a medal of honor in my book. And we all know what happens to the packaging...
Hope your day is perfect. I wish you love and laughter and a nice buzz at the reception. :)
P.S. I read the Big Stone Gap series too and LOVED it!
Marriage is like big gambling play to me : It's a huge risk, but the pay off is totally worth it (if the cards go your way). I hope you and Junior have a wonderful life together. I just celebrated my first anniversary in April and I still wake up each day thinking about how lucky I am. Congrats!
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