Random Thoughts Tuesday

It's that time again!! Let the randomness begin!

• I'm typing this as I sit on the front porch watching the clouds roll in. YEAH for rain! Last week was in the 100's almost every day, so this rain is much much hoped for. Darrell has been planting grass in our front yard so we need some rain to help the little sprouts grow too. You should see the little jig he does everytime he sees new sprouts on the ground. It's hysterical!

Speaking of Darrell, he's going to be having orthoscopic knee surgery in two weeks. It is anticipated that he will not be released to work for 8 weeks. Wow. That's a long time. Thank goodness he'll be getting paid a large percentage of his weekly pay while he's off work. I'm kind of glad that I have to go to work during that time, or we'd probably drive each other crazy, LOL!

This past Sunday we went out on the boat with a bunch of friends and family. Good good times, but I seriously look like a lobster. Still. When we got home from the lake, we walked into a hot, still house and immediately looked at each other and said, "Shit! There's no air!". The ac had gone out, so we all spent a lovely Sunday night already burning up from our sunburns, but also from having no ac. I took off work on Monday to deal with the situation, and luckily found a local company who came out right away. They had to replace the blower motor, which set me back a pretty penny, but it certainly could have been worse.

Since today was my first day for my work peeps to see my lovely red skin tone, I tried to refrain from being a smart ass. But by about the fifth time someone said, "Someone got some sun!", I had to really bite my tongue to not say, "Nope, it's just a new shade of paint I'm trying out. Wanted to see if I liked it before I painted the whole house. Here's your sign!" :)

I'm really happy these days. We've been going through some struggles in our marriage lately, but as of right now, I'm feeling pretty good about things. A lot of that may be chalked up to the fact that my hubby is currently in the kitchen whipping up some dinner. A man in the kitchen always makes me happy:)

I hope everyone else is having a good week as well. And if I don't get a chance to post again before this weekend... have a wonderful Fourth of July!

101: Resolutions: Revisited

Where has this year gone?? It is already half way over. Next thing you know, Christmas will be upon us. *sigh* When you're young, time goes soooo slow. But as we all know, the older you get, the faster it gets. In honor of the halfway point of 2009, I've decided to revisit my New Years resolutions and see how I'm doing in meeting my "goals".

Here are the things I resolved to try and do in 2009: (My progress so far will be listed underneath each.)

1. Quit saying "no" to the kids so much. Now, please don't misunderstand this statement. I firmly believe in the necessary NO situations. Such as: "Jalyn, NO RUNNING!" or "Jaxen, NO! You can not pretend your sister is a Dark Force clone trooper/ droid/ padawha (whatever all those mean)." I am referring more to the day to day NO's that the kids hear. The ones that refer to markers on the couch, the jug of milk that's about to spilled everywhere, or pancakes at 7 in the morning on a Saturday. Because really, when you think about.. the couch already has marker lines on it anyway, milk can be cleaned up, and I really should jump out of bed to provide basic needs for my children.

Hmm... I'm not sure how I'm doing on this one, to be honest. I think I've just changed my wording. I believe I've been successful in not saying NO so much, but now I catch myself saying, "This is your LAST chance!!". And of course, I'll say that five times.... *sigh* . It is so hard to be consistent sometimes, although I really do try.

2. Less cleaning. The reality of life with two young children is this-- you can clean and pick up and vacuum and do laundry and on and on and on until you are blue in the face. And it's still going to look the same way tomorrow. My goal is to get things a little more organized (or just buy more Rubbermaid bins to hide everything in) so that I can least present myself and my family with the facade of a clean home.

I never did buy those Rubbermaid bins. But we have been working on purging toys. Just this past weekend, sweet husband cleaned off the back patio and threw away (or set on the curb for any takers) a ton of toys that the kids have outgrown. When it comes to outdoor toys, all they went is balls & other sporting equipment anyway. Everything else is pretty much gone, and was ratted out anyway. (In my brain, I'm envisioning family members reading this thinking, "OMG.. .did they throw away the gift I got the kids??". And THAT is why we have too many toys. I feel guilty getting rid of things, LOL.)

3. Spend more time doing fun things with the family. (See above number two and you will see where I'm going to get all this extra time.)

I'm proud and very pleased to say that this one has come true. We have been doing a ton more family activities over the past few months, and you can tell it has really made the kids happy--and has really helped our marriage. For starters, did you know that Celebration Station has putt-putt for only $1.99 on Wednesday nights?? (At least they do here in OKC:)). We love anything golf related, so that has become a family standard. This summer, Jaxen has also gone golfing on the "big people" course with Dad for the first time. We've been going to the park & getting snowcones a lot. Took the kids to the lake for their first trip on a boat -- that was fun!! Today we're going to hubby's hometown to have some bar-b-q. Just a little two hour road trip in search of great food. Fun things like that have really been revitalizing my mood as well. Who wants to do housework all weekend? Maybe the less we're here, the less dirty the house will get, LOL!

4. Blog more. I guess that should be pretty evident since it's been about a month since my last post. I like this resolution as well because my progess can be monitored. If you notice me slacking, please send me a friendly reminder of my resolution #4. Thanks in advance.

My last post was actually my 100th post. So I would say that yes, I have been doing pretty well with blogging more.

5. Read more. I already try to fit in as much reading as I possibly can, but honestly I believe there are some sacrifices that I could make so as to get in more booktime. Less Perez Hilton. More literature. A girl's gotta get her priorities in line.

Pretty successful here, as well. Especially in the past two months, I've read a lot of great books. I would highly recommend "The Motion of the Ocean: 1 Small Boat, 2 Average Lovers, and a Woman's Search for the Meaning of Wife" by Janna Cawrse Esarey. It is incredibly well written--and who doesn't want to hear the true story of a couple who get married and decide to live on a sailboat together for two years ?? You just KNOW that's going to get interesting:)

6. Date nights. I almost said MORE date nights, but since I can't even remember the last time that Darrell and I had a date night, that wouldn't really be an accurate resolution. So I'm simply going to say have date nights in general. I think I had better stop there so that I don't overwhelm myself with goals:) Wish me luck on my quest to have a more relaxed, more FUN 2009! Just remember... there's no day but today.

My wonderful parentals had the kiddos come visit for a few days just last week, and Darrell and I had more date nights in the those few days than we had all year. It was just wonderful. We went to the casino to play my beloved Redball Bingo, went to a karaoke show and went and played golf. It was so relaxing and so needed. We have a hard time communicating at times, and this provided us a great opportunity to not only talk, but have a great time while we did so.

So ... there it is.... my progress, per se. Not too shabby if I do say so myself:) Did anyone else make resolutions? How's it going?

Grateful Sunday: Five Things

Five Things I'm Grateful for on this Sunday:

1. Air conditioning. Lord have mercy.. it's a hot one!! And I don't mean that in a Randy Jackson/ great performance kind of way. I mean it in a sweat-is-rolling-down-my-back-as-I-sit-still kind of way.

2. The grill. See above entry for why I am thankful to not have to turn on the oven this evening.

3. John Mayer's Continuum album. It never ever gets old -- everytime I listen feels like the first time. And it always makes me smile:)

4. That my kids are home. J & J spent a few days this week at G-Daddy & Mimi's house. I know they had a wonderful time and I'm so glad they got to spend quality time with their grandparents. But Lord was it quiet around here. I'm glad to have my little sugarbutts back.

5. My Dad. On this Father's Day, I'm feeling extra grateful for the fathers in my life. My Dad, who single handedly raised me by himself till I was five. Who taught me to be independent and self-sufficient by making me pump my own gas. And who made the most kick-ass unicorn lunch box for the Brownie's contest (and yes, I know we should have won. But the story probably wouldn't be as fun if we had:)).

And to my husband. The father of my babies. The massager of my constantly aching back. The man who asks what I'm reading when I know he doesn't really care:) The man who will hit my golf ball over the water for me so that I don't lose my shiny pink ball.

What are you grateful for on this Sunday?

Random Tuesday Thoughts: On Marriage

“Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person”- unknown

I've been thinking a lot lately about marriage. Our one year anniversary is swiftly approaching. Over the years, I've heard a lot of people say that the first year is the hardest. I never thought that would apply to us. I mean, really... we had been together almost seven years by the time we got married. We had two kids together, a house, merged friends-- how much could being "married" really change things? I must admit that for the first 6 months or so, I didn't feel like it did. I did get that little butterfly flutter in my belly the first few months that Jr. referred to me as his wife. (Even during all our years together, he had never really called me that). I stared at my ring for probably the first three months, thinking how bright and shiny it looked, and how much I needed my nails done. I liked looking at the wedding photos and seeing the joy on the kids' faces as they participated in the ceremony.

And then reality hit. I've always known marriage would be hard. I've never gone into it with preconceived notions that things would always be rainbows and sunshine. I've always giggled when people say that their man is going to change once they get married (do they really believe that??). I've known from the get-go that that is not a realistic expectation. But I've been surprised by how much I feel like I need to change.

Maybe "need" is too harsh of a word. I've always believed that no one controls my emotions but myself. No one has the power to control how I feel unless I let them. How I react and respond to someone is fully my choice. In this instance, I think the use of "want" would probably be more accurate. I want to change. I want to be a supportive wife. I want to be my husband's best friend. I want to be able to look at him and giggle over an inside joke. And I often feel like I'm failing miserably in this role. My parents raised me to be very independent, and I'm having trouble relinquishing some of that. My husband thinks I am a very selfish person. The first few times he said this to me, I was so so hurt. But after a few times of hearing it, I began to get defensive. I have always refused to lose myself in the role of motherhood & wife-hood (is that a word??). That is not to say in the least that I don't love my children and my husband more than life itself. It simply means that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am a better mother (and ultimately wife) if I take some time for myself.

So I read. A lot. I blog. I try to go out with my girlfriends every couple of weeks. I take a hot bubble bath every now and then. I try to nap on the weekends. Does this make me a selfish person?

I guess what it boils down to is that I'm having trouble finding the balance. The balance between who I want to be and I who I am. The balance between giving all of myself and not losing myself. The balance between Jessica K. and Jessica H. *sigh* Anyone have any words of advice? Nuggets of wisdom??

Journey Thru a Mom's Brain: Part 1

Scene: Sitting down to type new blog post.


Enter Brain: Oh, my...my laptop screen is really dirty. I should get up and get something to wipe it off with. But oh, look at my toe nails--ghetto, girlfriend!! It is June and you have yet to paint your toes once. That's so sad. (Sit down to paint toe nails). Yes, Jalyn, I'd be happy to paint yours as well. (Paints daughter's toenails). Thinks about how need to go buy new paint... this one is getting all clumpy & so NOT the color I was feeling today. I need some green polish. Loves loves loves green. Ohhh... love green olives too! Must go make pasta salad with green olives in it. Hmm.. where I was going? Why did I get up? Oh well. Might as well go switch the laundry while I'm up.

Does this happen to anyone else??